"Change the song!"

Another evening spent in your arms

With smoke engulfing you

And me

My kohl is smudged by the tip of your nose

And laughter emanates

As tickling leads me to

Extricate myself from your grip.

Then all that remains is your silhouette

With every feature marked out with chalk.

It is then that I fear

You getting lost among the crowd

You do know of course

That I've kept you safe

From the rest of the world

And I don't want anything to ever touch

Those laugh lines.

Never.

I want to go on making you 18-second promises

And boss, and threaten

And spend smoke engulfed evenings.

Ever.

She's everything

I listen to stories of yellow and skies

untainted love

and smiles that reach up to your eyes.

Then I feel the abyss setting in

slowly.

Bit by bit

but it sets in.

A painful melody plays in the background

and I can feel your nerves

pulsating with the rhythm.

I play

I tease.

And then you laugh.

I told you the sound of your laughter

is the purest thing I've heard.

Then you ask me questions that bring back muck and mess.

The melody's steadily growing louder.

So do your promises.

Existences seem bound at that time.

This inextricable..thing.

Somehow I was happy

in the inextricability

of it all.

And I wanna be happy

again.

Just.

Felt like writing. Not poetry, not prose. Just. To a friend.

I'm listening to "Inner Peace" by this band called Indian Ocean. You must get some of their music, if you don't know about them already.

But listening to this, it's given me one of those moments where you feel very very alone, but it doesn't bite. Cause somewhere you know you're not wrong. So this is alone-ness out of choice.

As John Mayer puts it, this is not the storm before the calm.

I'm standing in a place in life where I don't know where I'm headed. Whether it's towards myself. Whether I'll roam around in circles all my life.

I've made mistakes in the past. I don't want to repeat them.

And I'm also wondering whether it's always a choice between being happy or being right.

Cause somewhere, at some level I feel both are not possible or convergent.

Is is something I owe to myself?

I don't know.

Calcutta

10th August, 21:08

Candy floss

At 17:06-

"Am coming."

So he did. Bringing along with him a whirlwind of fights, and molesting and jostling.

The sad bit is that he took all that with him while I was busy looking at him through the glass, waving goodbye.

Leaving me behind like a whining, motherless puppy.

Now all my amazement at seeing mush between people has been answered.

Successfully.