Uppercase

I heard a friend
complain
complain about work
and the pitfalls
of too much exercise

And I think
how running too much
and then stopping
to catch your breath
can be anything
other than a cause for poetry
juxtaposed with
a pink sky
which is soon going to transcend
into an inky one
one where fireflies
call out
to one another
hoping far across the globe
and the atlantic
a mate would hear
their longing

This planet is spinning
too fast for us
to be on our feet
and stand too
and human emotions
caught in time's hair
to be free
free from fear
and explode out
like his voice
when he laughs

Laughter
that is becoming
a little too intermittent
and laugh lines
a little too faded
against rain and sun

Here,
all I see
are clouds.

no.

is it always going to be a story
where i keep chancing upon
me wanting life to look more like
an airline timetable

we will have to think of catering
and more on-board entertainment

whatever it is
planning an escape
has never really required
the new season
of new girl

only
a
plan.

filmon wala pyaar

trials, tribulations

re-discovery, tussles

all that have 

made 2009

(that year!

rather, that year end)

all that it has

come to be

mean and represent

great love stories

start young

young enough

to believe in 

traditions

and annual rituals

and maintain

small shoe boxes

of movie stubs

that serve as 

memory

of the immensity 

that just happened

and then

oceans decide

to change course

and come between

more movie stubs

going into

the hush puppies box

till this moment

when life itself

becomes a moment

in transit

where two suitcases

sit permanently

beneath my bed

as i sleep

hoping someday

they will see

all the clothes

that they saw

on the one day

in september

when deep pools of brown

became only

a vacation thing

a thing to

say goodbye to

again and again

but we're 

getting there

almost there

in this time

and space

meandering oceans

and double

sunrises

are not defeats

for you and me

meanders

in a monochromatic world

amidst the howling

of the rain

and the winds

that change direction

every few seconds

discussions about 

being ghosts in this city

a city that's not home

yet a city which 

tries

all the time

with an episode of kindness

or a noisy train ride

chance meetings

and a few

unplanned nights

yet it is stories

from ethiopia

and the occupation

in egypt

iran defenses

cross-border loves

that draw me in

make me aware

of my histories

and trajectories

life among a billion

other people

and dents we manage 

to create

on this vast planet

of blue

and among big 

deep drops of blue

background music

Two weeks ago, we completed three years together. What an amazing time it's been, and Shoelaces Undone, right here - has seen it all. Music, the lavender splashed right across my way to school, companionship, anger, jealousy - just about everything - singularity, plurality, Cubby-ness and a world without him.

Those times, generations ago when they were married to one another, was a different world all together. Love was unquestioning, affection was untainted. My arrival at home would be greeted with her hands stroking him to sleep. Or them playing cards. It's only now that I'm realizing how much of me has been shaped by these little events, these twosome games of Rummy.

Cityscapes

There are two ways of discovering a city.

One is by walking through its streets, getting lost even with a map because you don't have your bearings right. But every wrong turn you take, takes you to a new street which is bustling with activity - and as you walk down the street, you switch off your GPS and just, walk. Walk without aim, without reason and without direction. Walk wherever your feet take you, walk across people outside bars and restaurants too expensive on your student-pocket. Across lights that never turn green for cars, cyclists and pedestrians all at once. So you're always ahead, and you're always behind.

The other is by looking at a city from outside. It is only by being an outsider can you see a city in its wholeness. An airplane landing always has people craning to see the city beneath them. London Eye saw me looking at London the way I had never thought possible - with a little bit of fondness that I may have unconsciously developed for it. I also wondered how different life would be here, if I shared it with someone. If there was some familiarity to hold on to. Someone who knew me beyond my nationality, the tongue I speak or the year I was born in. Beyond my interests, my course and my student ID.

There are two ways of discovering life. Two ways of discovering who you're meant to be.

functions of solitude

Clean up after your dog, it says everywhere here. Or there's an eighty buck fine. Which comes to a lot, but I have to keep reminding myself not to convert everything. In the supermarket, or at stores. I also have to keep reminding myself not to think of my very own shedding monstrous furball all the time. The very thought of him makes walks and bus rides a tad bit difficult.

I arrived here at the beginning of fall, and leaves line sidewalks every morning and evening. Roads look different at different times of the day though. Days and evenings look different themselves, days being more bearable and evenings - well, not even close. The beauty of this city - the zigzagging traffic, the millions of boots mapping their way around and so many words of kindness shared daily, with the knowledge that they might get lost in the humdrum of another weekday - would have been a little more wonderful and intriguing, had thoughts of home not been such regular visitors.

They say that you can feel London winter right through your bones. As is the case with London loneliness. And the fact that when you stare at the clock ticking 21.46, thinking to yourself that it's already tomorrow back home is no easy feeling to live with. What dreams I must be missing. Sleep in the last week and a half has been absolutely dreamless. They have been elusive.

Some home cooked food lines your shelves. You don't touch it. Touching it would make home even more real. It would make your childhood and teenage, so much more tangible.