and then there was silence

words

time

space

torn

into?

permanence

unacceptable.

dictionary?

ipods

pages

dots

transit

flitting

change.

growth

upkeep

inabilities

The last eight weeks

The last time I hugged a building's walls and cried took me fourteen years of childhood and attachment to get there.

This time it's taken me three.

Walls have gone from yellow to blue, uniforms disappeared and laughs become louder.

Hugs are more generous. And you'd find happiness and despair in abundance.

Right now for instance, I dunno what emotion I'm, well, emoting.

A whirlwind in three years, from people to alcohol stories to heartbreak. I've spent three years in the same corridors, with the same people, gone from eighteen to twenty one, yet I'm getting out of this place three years younger. With a hundred less judgements and a million less rigidities.

So for all the friends you've given me, the countless good lunch breaks, the gazillion odd lunches here and there, and the way you've shown me this city - thank you Jabier's. For the passive smoking and the good conversations, kudos to you, Back Gate. I'll forever be indebted to you.

I leave, forever to return to you. Nothing beyond.

Cubby!

Piece of my heart, the whole of my love.

Tickled most adorably, and floppy ears perpetually Cerelac-smelling.

Cubby, a space and time in my life - a life entwined with mine. Here's to many more sleepless nights, rooms smelling of pee, and dancing around his meals.

I love you.

neon lights

it's shadowy and loud

with not a moment of

quiet

or relief

until they turn on

the lights, spot on

it is in the music

and the revelry

that you realize

tum ho meri

main tumhara

chota sa

sansar humara

aage jaane

ram kya hoga

kehta hai jo

kahe zamana

tera mere

pyaar purana

aage jaane

ram kya hoga

fingers cling

with the hope

and the knowledge

paradoxes entwine

themselves

with the waving

mobile lights

and suddenly both

your hands

are held by

the same person

but not one

obsess

fret

cry

scream

fear

run

but come back

to love.

fireflies

fireflies

is where I started this journey

it was in a jar that

lights began twinkling

and it is now

almost an age later

that I drive through

under fireflies

which mark the moment

as the best part of the evening

one spent with friends

and deafening beats

but distance is what

creeps in

when you're not there

despite being there

distance creeps in

when your love hasn't

been yours

in as long as you remember

distance creeps in

when you haven't had a moment to

pause

to ponder

or just to do nothing

nothing at all

Jobs and Itunes

in your love, my salvation lies

in your love, my salvation lies

in your love, my salvation lies

in your love, in your love, in your..love

humming a tune

not known before

in your

life as you'd known it

stood beneath an

orange sky

these days

and nights

bought in exchange

for many a dreams

lost and shattered

i just feel

as if it's time

to pack and

leave

again

in transit

for the love of

brown eyes

and butter

and sanity

i will be found

again

when the locks

on my suitcase

are worn enough

and the souvenirs

from travels

stuck securely

to the fridge

when i have

home to come back to

and when friends

and the past

do not do this

on nights alone

in an empty house

the title now

makes sense

unintended

like the dent marks

we often put

on cars

and each other

in your love, my salvation lies

moonlit are the nights

gushing

and a lot of it

like the first

awkward moment

between you

and the one

you couldn't stop

thinking about

the night after

your first dance

you really did throw

your heels off

and dance like

a mad person

she tells you

how he still

gushes over

that one night

and inside

that eighteen-something-ness

takes over

you don't know

whether you wanna

turn old and grey

or stay right here

longing

and being longed for

summer songs

winter nights

monsoon rains

autumn leaves

and the colours

they bring

how many adventures

are you to bring

the smiles

and the tears

to continue

just don't

run out on me